Maybe because it's Valentines Day and I don't have a "Valentine" per se, I feel compelled to examine what I DO have that fills my heart with love and joy. I have been contemplating just what it is that defines happiness and have concluded that it's as individual as each of us. For some, happiness is found in the fruits of their labors. For others it is found in pushing their physical limits. There are as many ways to find joy as there are people to share it with.
When I wake in the morning and start each day, expressing my gratitude to the Lord, I find that as I acknowledge each blessing, I discover how much I have in my life that makes me happy. I have been so blessed with wonderful children who have grown to be such steady, admirable adults. They are such gifted people and as they get older, I find that I am truly humbled to have been blessed to have a part in their lives. I have the most adorable grandson on the planet who makes me smile just by hearing his voice or seeing his little face. There is a new grandchild on the way that will undoubtedly steal my heart as well. I have family and friends that have shared in my joys as well as my sorrows and who have supported and sustained me through all aspects of my life. They have shown me such unwavering love and kindness and taught me about selflessness and courage. I have a best friend who lifts my spirits and makes me laugh and who also will listen to me when I need to unburden. Among the many things that bring me happiness, my associations with these people are chief among them.
To all the wonderful people in my life that I value so greatly, I want to wish you all a wonderful Valentines Day and tell you I love you!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Too Much On My Mind
There are just times in one's life when decisions await and difficult choices need to be made. Sometimes those choices are not clearly defined and the result is a restless confusion. So much has been weighing heavily on my mind for so long. I think it has finally come to a head and I am at a fork in the road. How do I decide where to go from here? There is no clear destination. There is no indicator of direction. I know that I need to move toward......something, but what? Does not having these answers make me an unfit companion or an undesirable employee? Do I have to have all my personal questions answered and all my issues resolved to be eligible for the good things in life?
My entire adult life has been primarily that of a stay at home mother and homemaker. How do you incorporate that into a resume so that it looks like an asset rather than a hindrance? I feel so ill prepared for life because I made a conscious choice to put the needs of others ahead of my own. Was that the wrong thing to do? My heart tells me no but my current situation gives me pause to wonder. For others in my situation, how do you find balance? How did you or do you prepare for your own future and stability whilst putting the needs of your family first and foremost? More importantly, how, after letting so many years pass under the bridge, do you make up for lost time?
There are those in my life that see my indecision as a sign of weakness....a flaw. I might be viewed as unmotivated when in reality, I am just feeling like a fish out of water. I don't want my old life back and don't want to put forth that impression. This isn't about regrets: This is about uncertainty, maybe fear. A good friend has encouraged me to "conquer my fears" and I am trying to do that. One major issue is that even my fears aren't clearly defined.
Today was Fast Sunday and I began my fast by trying to identify things in my life that I felt warranted attention and focus. I felt that I needed to find some answers and obtain some guidance that only my Father in Heaven could offer me. For the most part, I received...at the very least peace, but I am still floundering. My prayers were indeed answered, but the answers themselves are enigmas wrapped in conundrums. My friend Mary Lou bore testimony about struggles and how we are all given struggles that are tailor-made to each of us. We should not look to be rescued because resolving our problems is part of the process of fulfilling our earthly probation. She referenced a talk in the February Ensign, "Finding Answers", that opens with: "It is not the design of heaven that we be rescued from all difficult situations. Rather, it is the Lord’s will that we learn to handle them.".
While I know that working through things in my life is ultimately my responsibility, I am also keenly aware that I need not travel that path alone. He will not reach in and pull me out of the surging river, but He WILL get in there with me and hold my head above the waterline until my arms and legs find adequate support to pull myself out. He gives me little tidbits of encouragement in the most unlikely of places: A video posted on facebook of a talk by Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf entitled "Be Patient In Your Trials" where he says that "Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can. Working, hoping and exercising faith...bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our heart are delayed." and a quote in the Sunday School program by Elder Richard G. Scott: "Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" (Ether 12:6). Thus every time you try your faith--that is, act in worthiness on an impression--you will receive the confirming evidence of the Spirit. As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise. With even your strongest faith, God will not always reward you immediately according to your desires. Rather, God will respond with what in His eternal plan is best for you, when it will yield the greatest advantage. Be thankful that sometimes God lets you struggle for a long time before that answer comes. That causes your faith to increase and your character to grow."
My struggles are well known to my Savior and He will give a portion of His spirit to me to assist me as I seek answers and search for solutions. He will hold my hand and encourage me and be my cheering section, but He will not remove this cup from me. As I drink from the bitter waters of the struggles that my Father in Heaven has deemed most beneficial for me, my Savior will support and succor me. Alma 7:12, "And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
My entire adult life has been primarily that of a stay at home mother and homemaker. How do you incorporate that into a resume so that it looks like an asset rather than a hindrance? I feel so ill prepared for life because I made a conscious choice to put the needs of others ahead of my own. Was that the wrong thing to do? My heart tells me no but my current situation gives me pause to wonder. For others in my situation, how do you find balance? How did you or do you prepare for your own future and stability whilst putting the needs of your family first and foremost? More importantly, how, after letting so many years pass under the bridge, do you make up for lost time?
There are those in my life that see my indecision as a sign of weakness....a flaw. I might be viewed as unmotivated when in reality, I am just feeling like a fish out of water. I don't want my old life back and don't want to put forth that impression. This isn't about regrets: This is about uncertainty, maybe fear. A good friend has encouraged me to "conquer my fears" and I am trying to do that. One major issue is that even my fears aren't clearly defined.
Today was Fast Sunday and I began my fast by trying to identify things in my life that I felt warranted attention and focus. I felt that I needed to find some answers and obtain some guidance that only my Father in Heaven could offer me. For the most part, I received...at the very least peace, but I am still floundering. My prayers were indeed answered, but the answers themselves are enigmas wrapped in conundrums. My friend Mary Lou bore testimony about struggles and how we are all given struggles that are tailor-made to each of us. We should not look to be rescued because resolving our problems is part of the process of fulfilling our earthly probation. She referenced a talk in the February Ensign, "Finding Answers", that opens with: "It is not the design of heaven that we be rescued from all difficult situations. Rather, it is the Lord’s will that we learn to handle them.".
While I know that working through things in my life is ultimately my responsibility, I am also keenly aware that I need not travel that path alone. He will not reach in and pull me out of the surging river, but He WILL get in there with me and hold my head above the waterline until my arms and legs find adequate support to pull myself out. He gives me little tidbits of encouragement in the most unlikely of places: A video posted on facebook of a talk by Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf entitled "Be Patient In Your Trials" where he says that "Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can. Working, hoping and exercising faith...bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our heart are delayed." and a quote in the Sunday School program by Elder Richard G. Scott: "Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" (Ether 12:6). Thus every time you try your faith--that is, act in worthiness on an impression--you will receive the confirming evidence of the Spirit. As you walk to the boundary of your understanding into the twilight of uncertainty, exercising faith, you will be led to find solutions you would not obtain otherwise. With even your strongest faith, God will not always reward you immediately according to your desires. Rather, God will respond with what in His eternal plan is best for you, when it will yield the greatest advantage. Be thankful that sometimes God lets you struggle for a long time before that answer comes. That causes your faith to increase and your character to grow."
My struggles are well known to my Savior and He will give a portion of His spirit to me to assist me as I seek answers and search for solutions. He will hold my hand and encourage me and be my cheering section, but He will not remove this cup from me. As I drink from the bitter waters of the struggles that my Father in Heaven has deemed most beneficial for me, my Savior will support and succor me. Alma 7:12, "And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
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