For This, I'm In Debt to Sallie Mae?

I had the most ridiculously absurd writing assignment and found myself in a quandary: Do I take it seriously and play up the angles for the grade or do I be true to myself and show my sarcastic nature and my incredulity at such a topic?

Oh, I suppose you're curious what the topic is. We were to choose an artist, musician, actor, athlete or some other non-political famous person and tell why we believe they should be our next President. We were to do the total campaign pitch and sell. Well, me being the politically cynical person that I am, I decided to really roll with the satire on this one. I just hope my professor will catch my vision. Anyway, I'm posting it here for all the world to see just how warped I really am!




Chris Angel for President
BELIEVE!


It was difficult for me to choose the appropriate candidate that, in my mind, would do the office of President justice. Being politically jaded and incurably cynical as I am, I contemplated the qualities that I feel would make a sound choice for President. Forgive the tongue in cheek approach, I warned you about the cynicism.

I would endorse Chris Angel for President for myriad reasons. First and foremost is that this man has mastered the art of smoke and mirrors, which we can all agree is traditionally uppermost on the list of Presidential qualities. I believe a President must promise, and possess the ability, to magically produce massive quantities of cash out of seeming nothingness to create the illusion of a balanced budget and a healthy economy where milk and honey flow in abundance.

It is well known that there is transparency in all that Mr. Angel does. The slight of hand, so critical for those at the top, is barely perceptible and would pass by our unwitting elected officials, leaving them in awe. Since we have come to shower our leaders of late with an almost worship-like devotion, I feel it important to point out that while other Presidents have thought themselves capable of walking on water, Mr. Angel actually can.

I believe that as the voting public sees my candidate in action, they will soon be ardent admirers like myself. Because Mr. Angel has the power to make one question reality and believe anything, my slogan for his campaign would be “Believe!” and his cast of jugglers, dancers, acrobats and magicians would hit the campaign trail pushing his brand of magic through the primaries and right past the Electoral College!

I will show my Presidential candidate to be a real crowd pleaser and orator. We, the American public, are clueless and require someone wiser in the ways of the world, and skilled at theatrics, to showcase what is most important to our society: The glossy, shallow underbelly of self-indulgence and to regale us with tales about what makes this country great, because we are unable to make such judgments with our own feeble understanding. We require a light show and pyrotechnics to get the point across. This will also be impressed upon the masses when they see that Mr. Angel is admired and respected among the cream of Hollywood, and we all know that whom Hollywood embraces the voters will too.

Mr. Angel will demonstrate the ability to gloss over difficult scenarios so as not to trouble our little heads with such things as truth or facts or reality, to wrap them up in a show-stopping performance that will render us spellbound, a skill that will have the ballots virtually materializing out of thin air!

His first acts would be to strengthen our image in the eyes of the world, striking a bone-chilling fear in those who oppose us. A Commander in Chief must not cower in fear at the darker forces of this world, but must be willing and ready to make a blood pact with the darkest of the dark to secure the interests of the country. Secondly, my Presidential choice will miraculously make trillions of dollars of deficit, out of control for decades, disappear before our very eyes and all will be right with the world again, so please, support my candidate, and don’t forget to send your contributions in care of the Luxor, where Mr. Angel is appearing nightly, honing his craft and mastering his deception as he readies for his candidacy.

Continuing Education

So for my English Composition class, I have to come up with a "mixed tape" that exemplifies something about me...a characteristic or an experience or a phase of my life. That's just a little too broad for me to choose from. I'm much more tunnel-visioned. Anyway, the point is, all the writing assignments have been a breeze, but this one has me stumped. I can't put my finger on why. Maybe I'm stressing too much about whether or not my "fresh out of diapers" classmates will relate to Supertramp's Cannonball. All I have to do is pick 5 lousy songs that I can relate to and write a brief, one paragraph essay as to why.....what's so hard about that? My son (the comedian that he is) informs me that they did this same assignment in his English class during his junior year. Thanks Ian....I feel much better now. Not only am I old and can't get the simplicity of this assignment, but you have effectively taken the shine off my collegiate experience by inferring that "it must be a refresher course". What exactly are you trying to say?

Breaking the Restraints

I have had the most bizarre week! It's just been this wild ride with extreme ups and downs. There were things I thought were bad, but turned out good and things I thought would never get resolved that finally did, with unexpected results.

I was reading in Mosiah, chapter 24, when I came across the last sentence in verse 16: "Be of good comfort, for on the morrow, I will deliver you out of bondage." I can't explain the force with which those words hit me, but I knew that some area of my life was going to either undergo change or reach a resolution. Little did I know, it would be both!

In my personal life, there was one element that has needed resolution and direction for quite some time, but it was never going to happen through my own efforts. It was just one of those things that required the actions of someone else. I just didn't have the strength or insight to see what needed to be done. In retrospect, it was a type of bondage that was preventing me from moving forward or going backward. I was not progressing toward where I needed to be and was just lingering in limbo. When the end came, it was no real surprise, even though at first, I was bewildered. I can't say that I wasn't emotionally unscathed, but I quickly came to recognize a freedom, of sorts, and a new empowerment.

Work is another area with a situation that has been stagnating too long as well. For almost two months, I've been waiting for my review from my boss. He just kept hemming and hawing and I was beginning to feel like I would never get the much anticipated and desperately needed raise. Finally, he called me into his office and gave me the most glowing review I have ever had! He said it was also the best review he has ever given. We ended our interview with the promise of an increase, but how much remained to be seen. I was anticipating the standard 3%, 5% tops! Imagine my surprise when he called me in yesterday and handed me a slip of paper with my new salary written on it.....almost 10% increase in pay! I was literally speechless! He told me it was the highest increase he has ever given!

I've come to the conclusion that "bondage" comes in many forms, as does deliverance. Sometimes bondage is self-imposed, sometimes it is forced upon us and other times, we just sort of stumble into it and can't seem to fight our way back out. In my case, I wasn't even aware that I was "bound" until I was finally freed. It made me begin to understand how easily we can become ensnared by things in our life and not realize the extent of our captivity until it has progressed too far. When we are bound by sin, deliverance is much more difficult to achieve than the events that I have related. My personal experiences were by no means negative, but even so, I didn't see the situations for what they were until I was freed from them. Imagine how swiftly the wrong situations can overpower and trap us, without our even being aware that we are trapped until it's too late......just food for thought.